Little Wolf
by TurianRebel
Summary: Follows f!Hawke/Fenris most of the time. Other familiar characters will appear often. It's about Hawke's and Fenris's romance starting from the time they met. It maintains a lot of original dialogue from the game, I basically filled in blanks in time. [NOTE: ALL CHAPTERS ARE CURRENTLY BEING REWRITTEN. THEY WILL BE REPLACED GRADUALLY]
1. Acquisition

**Chapter 1: Acquisition**

Nights in Kirkwall were colder than one might expect, and there were few who ventured out into the dark, save for drifters and drunkards. Tonight, there was a man, an odd looking man searching for someone. No one of importance, mind you, but someone willing to do tasks for him without a need for coin, as he hardly had any sovereigns that he could spare. However, since it wasn't light out yet, the few souls that he ran into were either severely intoxicated or otherwise unfit for the task. No, he just needed a loner that he could scare into helping him.

Finally, he spotted a dwarf wandering about, looking like he might be in his right mind. A glance in all directions gave a clear indication that he was alone, so he made his approach, but still remained in the shadows just in case. "You there, dwarf!" he called to the shorter man, watching him turn quickly on his heel towards the location of the voice.

"Who-who's there? Sh-show yourself!" the dwarf stuttered, now obviously realizing that he was alone in an open area. His wish is quickly granted as the owner of the voice stepped into the light, revealing himself as an elf; a bizarre looking one. His strange white markings twisted and curved over his skin, and they almost appeared to glisten in the moonlight. The sight of the pale-haired marked elf caught the dwarf off-guard, and the best he could do was freeze and not say a word.

"What is your name?" the taller man asked, bending down a little to be at the dwarf's level. The other man offered no response, eyes tracing over the elf's strange tattoos as if to attempt to decipher their meaning. When he looked up, he realized he was being stared at, but he still didn't answer. "Your name!" the elf yelled, taking a step into the dwarf's personal space.

"A-Anso. What do you want? Who are you?"

The elf scowled and stepped back. "Quit babbling," he snapped. "I require some assistance."

The dwarf pressed the tips of his fingers together a few times in complete fear and nervousness. He had never seen someone of this elf's appearance, and had a feeling he was more capable than most. He didn't look like the poor elves that lived in the Alienage, that's for sure. He was different, and that alone scared Anso into warily accepting. "How can I help you, Mesere? I'm nothing more than an addict. I'm not good at anything."

The marked man scoffed and folded his arms over his chest, the metal of his armor clanking together lightly as he did so. "Certainly you can deliver some messages?" he shrugged, eyes narrowing on the dwarf.

"Messages? To who?"

After a long night out with Varric at The Hanged Man, drinks and long dramatic tales included, Hawke was reading to go home. As usual, her dwarf friend had spewed out stories of heroes and heroines far and wide, grabbing the attention of anyone who cared to listen. Round after round of drinks, and they found themselves sufficiently intoxicated; well, Varric at least. Hawke had taken it slow, as she typically did, since the walk to her home was farther than her friends, who lived in a room at the pub.

When Hawke arrived, she discovered that she had received mail; a letter. It was from Athenril, no doubt, and there was no way she wouldn't take on any work that she was given. After all, she desperately needed more coin to try and get her sister out of this horrible hut they dwelled in with their uncle, and Athenril provided that way out. The work wasn't always the most legitimate thing she could do, but a few silvers here and there made it worthwhile. The letter directed her to a contact near the Alienage, and she planned to visit there tomorrow night once she'd had a decent night's rest and the alcohol had been given ample time to wear off.

The following evening, the Hawke and her companions went for the unfortunate little hovel known as the Alienage, and met with the contact, who was more than a little nervous. He explained that there was a building they needed to find that had a chest containing certain contents that he didn't detail, but that that is what they needed. They had more questions than answers, but the dwarf scrambled off into the night before any of them could say more. The group shrugged it off and continued.

"Doesn't this all seem a little strange to you?" Aveline inquired of the rest of her friends. She was always a little wary about the work that Hawke volunteered herself for, but she kept her feelings to little comments here and there, knowing that Hawke herself was better than the work she took on. Still, the red-haired widow kept alert and ready, just in case something went wrong.

"Which part?" Hawke said as she looked over her shoulder at her friend. "The crazed dwarf, or the task itself?"

"Both," Aveline replied. "I don't like being tricked."

Her words still lingered in Hawke's mind as they came upon the door to this seemingly empty building. Varric and Bethany said nothing, simply going along with it without question. As soon as the door opened, a small group of thugs was there to greet them, but it wasn't a task that they couldn't handle. They easily took down each one, Hawke sneaking and literally stabbing them in the back, Varric shooting the ones that tried to flank them, Bethany throwing out some bolts of electricity, and Aveline proving her skill with a longsword.

"They were clearly expecting someone," Aveline chimed as she flicked a bit of blood off the edge of her sword. Hawke nodded and searched the area for the items they weren't sent to retrieve, quickly locating a chest that had to have contained what they came for. The group huddled around the chest eagerly, hoping to lay their eyes on gold or other valuable merchandise, as they were led to believe that that's what they were looking for. After she took in a deep breath, Hawke lifted open the unlocked storage box, smile quickly fading into a frown. Empty. They all tilted their heads, confused as to how they missed what they came for. Had one of the men who attacked them taken the items? No, there was only one entrance and exit to this place, so one of them slipping by with the goods was impossible.

Frustrated, Hawke slammed the chest shut and looked to her friends and sister for some sort of answer, and the best she got was a remark from Varric, who looked just as agitated as she was. "Waste of bloody time. Who put us up to this?" he said as he threw his hands up in question. The other three exchanged glances and then went for the exit simultaneously. He was right; someone had been tricking them, but the who was unknown to them. The dwarf, Anso? Unlikely. That man didn't seem to have the capacity to do much of anything, let alone trick them into a wild goose chase.

As soon as they stepped out of the building, they were met with another group of mercenaries, these ones waiting as if they had been expecting them. So this was a trap? Of course. It wasn't hard to recognize this group as Tevinter hunters, and they all silently wondered what they were doing here, since this wasn't their usual turf. The apparent leader of the group suddenly spoke up. "That's not the elf!" he exclaimed. "Who is that?" He pointed towards Hawke and her companions, and they could all sense a fight about to commence.

"It doesn't matter! We were told to kill whoever enters the house!" remarked another hunter. With that, they charged a the four, swords and daggers being unsheathed as they approached. Immediately, Hawke disappeared in a poof of smoke, eluding the lunges of several men that came right at her. She reappeared behind them, driving her daggers into their backs at the same time. Meanwhile, Aveline was knocked back people with her shield, thrusting her sword into them as they hit the ground. Varric, as well as Bethany, stepped back from the crowd, both being more capable of ranged attacks. They worked together, Varric shooting arrows into their feet to hold them as Bethany tossed fireballs at them. Occasionally, he'd manage to get off a very well-placed shot, when the crowd parted enough for him to do so, hitting a few of their enemies right between the eyes.

One by one they fell, Hawke and her friends taking minimal damage, and nothing that couldn't be healed with a bit of time. Just when they thought they were out of danger, an additional man appeared by the steps, his voice shifting their attention to him. "I don't know who you are, friend, but you've made a serious mistake coming here." Again, Hawke and her companions gave each other knowing looks, all of them moving in towards the man just as he called in reinforcements. They were all prepared for another fight, swords, shields, spells, and arrows at the ready. Surprisingly…there was nothing. The armored man looked around nervously, expecting to hear his men scurrying in but hearing absolute silence, or at least for a moment.

They all hear a shuffle, but what appeared was a single man, blood pouring from multiple wounds on his neck and torso. He attempted to speak, gurgling as blood filled his throat. He collapsed in a pool of his own blood, and the other man stands terrified. No reinforcements? He knew he was no match for the dark-haired woman and her friends, but he was not about to surrender. Just then, more footsteps, significantly lighter as they approached. Hawke and company readied their weapons again, once more seeing only one man appear. As soon as he rounded the corner, he began to speak, his voice matching his stone cold demeanor.

"Your men are dead and your trap has failed," the tattooed elf said to the man as he came down the stairs. Blood decorated his armor, and the fate of the lieutenant and his men became clear. This elf had killed them, no doubt, and until they knew otherwise, Hawke and her friends would consider him a hostile as well. "I suggest running back to your masters while you can," he continued as he passed the lone hunter to head towards the group.

"You are going nowhere, slave!" the man growled as he grasped onto the elf's shoulder, as if that would restrain him. The four looked on as a peculiar scene unfolded, the elf having some sort of energy coat his skin in a pale blue light, radiating from his hands. His expression became harsh and unfriendly as he turned towards the hunter. In a flash, his hand goes straight through the man's sternum, as if his flesh and bones were made of mere air. Bethany shot a glance at Hawke, both of them realizing that this type of ability might not even be capable for a mage. Bethany surely wasn't capable of such, she knew, and they both watched this mysterious man act. With a sound that neither could explain—almost a ripping—the elf rips out that man's heart, dropping it to the ground just as his victim collapses at his feet. He then rounded on the group.

"I am not a slave," he declared. The party watched him, confused as to how he was able to pull off such a feat, but not in a state to question him. In fact, the man began to explain himself, as if he's used to having to do so. As he spoke, Hawke watched as the blue glow that had covered him gradually faded, like a fire slowly burning out. Her eyes traced his markings, over every twist and turn they made over his skin, and she couldn't help but wonder where they ended, or what they were even made of. She shook the thought off, catching him making his actual introduction.

"My name is Fenris," he began.


	2. The Secret

Chapter 2: The Secret

_"I may not get the chance to say this again. Meeting you was the most important thing that ever happened to me, Hawke. Promise me you won't die. I can't bear the thought of living without you." _

**xxxxx**

_3 Hours after fleeing Kirkwall_

_Hawke and her party took off as fast as they could. All of Kirkwall was on their tail. They knew if they stopped now, they would all certainly die. Aveline lead the way, braced for what she feels will be an inevitable angry welcoming party when they arrive in Sundermount. Hawke and Fenris follow closely behind, and Varric guards the rear. After several hours, everyone starts to wear down. After all, they did just kill a idol-possessed Knight-Commander. They make camp in a small clearing._

Aveline is the first to speak. "Is everyone ok?" No one says anything. She tries again. "Hawke, are you feeling alright?"

Hawke has sat down against a tree. She looks up at Aveline and sighs. "I'm alright. I just need to rest. We all do." She tilts her head back against the tree and closes her eyes.

Varric is still on guard, walking all around their makeshift camp. "Do you think anyone followed us?" He says. "Do you think Anders…Maker, what has he done?" He shakes his head in disbelief. He straps Bianca down onto his back and takes a seat across from Hawke.

Aveline gathers some nearby twigs and works on making a fire. She glances back over at Hawke, who has fallen asleep. She watches as Fenris walks over to her and removes the dagger she was holding as she fell asleep. She looks at the red ribbon on his wrist, the meaning completely unknown to her still. She starts to look away but she sees something she has never seen…Fenris smiling. Smiling at Hawke. Seven years and she has never even seen a hint of a smile. She quickly looks away when Fenris looks in her direction.

"Where do you think he went?" says Varric. "Anders."

Fenris sits down near Hawke. "I hope it is far from here."

"Do you think he survived?"

"I do not care. He's the reason we are here."

"Somewhere in there…was a good man."

"I doubt that." Fenris looks away in disgust. Varric decides that perhaps this is not the best topic for the time. He removes Bianca from his back and places her gently against the tree next to him. He goes to speak again, but is distracted by Fenris.

Varric does a double-take. Fenris has removed his left gauntlet and placed it next to him. He has taken Hawke's hand in his, and is smoothing his thumb across the back of it. The markings on his skin are glowing slightly. Fenris has obviously positioned himself so that no one can see, or so he thinks. Varric says nothing, making a mental note to write an elaborate romance story about Hawke and Fenris. He scoots back against the tree he placed Bianca against and lets himself fall asleep.

Aveline has completed the fire and is removing her sword and shield from her back. She places them both against a fallen tree and sits down. She wants to look over at Hawke again, but is afraid Fenris will catch her looking. She looks anyway. Sure enough, Fenris is looking right at her. She looks away again and then slumps off the tree and onto the ground. She falls asleep soon after.

**xxxxx**

After some time, Hawke awakens. As she opens her eyes, she looks down at her hand. Her blade is gone and is replaced by Fenris's hand. She looks up at him. He's looking out into the woods, analyzing every single creak and crack. He looks tired, but she has never seen him sleep. She grips his hand slightly, which draws his attention.

"Have you slept?" she whispers, so as not to wake the others. Varric is snoring loudly, as usual.

"I can never sleep." He whispers back.

"You should."

"I can't. Someone must keep watch."

"I wish you would relax."

"I will relax when I am certain you are safe."

"I'm always safe with you." She smiles. He returns it. She uses her free hand to lightly stroke his cheek. "I told you."

Fenris slowly closes his eyes. His marks on his face glow at her touch. "Told me what?"

"That I wouldn't die."

Fenris opens his eyes and looks right into hers. He reaches up to touch her hand as she touches his cheek and pulls her in for a kiss.

Varric opens one eye. He woke up about 10 minutes ago but pretended to be asleep. We watches as Fenris and Hawke kiss, Fenris glowing everywhere.

_Andraste's dimpled buttcheeks. _He thinks to himself. _I knew it. Hmph. Suddenly it all makes sense. Red. Of course._


	3. The Beginning

Chapter 3: The Beginning

_Hawke and her companions have just left Fenris at Denarius's mansion. He begins searching for any clues as to where Denarius has gone, as well as any supplies that may be of some use. The mansion is in shambles. Obviously Denarius was more focused on finding Fenris than finding a suitable place to live._

Fenris goes through each room thoroughly. There is little to be found. By the time he gets through the first floor he has found a whopping three silver and a dead rat. He pockets the silvers and goes up the stairs to the second floor. The center room is large with a nice fireplace and some furniture. There are several books scattered about as well.

As he goes through the room he locates a few matches and decides to light a fire. He stands for a moment, looking down at the flames as they engulf the old logs. He imagines Denarius sitting on the bench nearby, drawing out his plans for locating him.

Before he can let his anger build up too much, he steps away from the fire and makes his way to the remaining second story rooms. They are just as disappointing as the first floor. He notices how it looks like Denarius and the other hunters left in a rush and with little to no supplies. He heads back down the stairs and into the cellar.

The cold Kirkwall nights have made the cellar an icebox. He again searches for anything of use. Ah-ha! Right there on a rack were six bottles of Agreggio. He recalls how Denarius would command him to serve it to his guests. He pushes the memory away and takes one of the bottles.

He heads all the way back up to the second floor. By this time the fire has grown very large and has warmed the whole room. He sits down on the bench and removes the cork from the Agreggio. _Agreggio. Hmph. He came all the way from Tevinter and the only thing he brought was wine. I will never understand._

As he drinks, his thoughts begin to meander elsewhere. He begins to think of the beautiful rogue he met nearly an hour ago. _Hawke. _He thinks to himself. _I asked a stranger for help and they obliged. That has never happened before. _He thinks back on the remark she had made to him. _"Seems like a waste of a perfectly handsome elf." _He replays it again and again in his mind. _Was she…flirting with me? No. We had just met. I'm looking into this too much. _He takes another swig of the Agreggio.

**xxxxx**

_Hawke and company are on their way home from Denarius's mansion. No one says a word until they begin to go their separate ways for the evening. Aveline waves at her friends as she turns and heads toward the keep. Varric, Bethany, and Hawke continue to walk in silence._

"So, that elf was something else." Varric says suddenly.

"Yes he was." Says Hawke.

"Have you ever thing anything like it?" Varric continues.

"I didn't like him." Says Bethany. "He didn't seem to like me either."

Hawke continues to say nothing. As her companions converse, she keeps thinking about what happened. The markings were strange, but intriguing. _Who would want lyrium burned into their skin? _She remarks to herself.

"Oh, come on, Sunshine. Just because he commented about mages – "

"He was looking right at me!" Bethany snapped.

_I've never seen anyone like that before. His eyes…his skin. I want to know more about him. He was…attractive in a mysterious way. I can't believe I said I thought he was handsome aloud. _Suddenly Hawke realizes Varric is talking about her.

"Someone thought he was attractive, right Hawke?"

"He was interesting." She says, trying not to blush.

"He creeped me out." Mumbles Bethany.

Varric makes a slight bow as he heads off to The Hanged Man. Bethany and Hawke continue to make their way toward their Uncle Gamlen's hole-in-the-wall. Hawke can see that Bethany is uncomfortable.

"What's wrong?" she says, looking at Bethany.

"He didn't bother you?" she says, referring to Fenris.

"No. Should he?"

"Lyrium is magic, you know. How can you use lyrium when you're neither a templar, nor a mage? It doesn't make sense."

"Well, if he stays long enough, perhaps he'll elaborate."

Bethany scoffs as if disgusted. "I hope not. He might do that heart trick on me."

**xxxxx**

_12 Hours after fleeing Kirkwall_

_The group has woken up from their first night on the run. Aveline has decided to maintain he captain-like position and is giving out tasks to everyone._

"Varric, could you do some reconnaissance? We need to know what we are up against."

"Bianca and I don't mind a bit. Do we, Bianca?" Varric says as he strokes his cross bow.

"I'm going to scout for supplies and resources. Fenris? Hawke? Perhaps you could locate some food?"

Hawke smiles and nods her head at Aveline. Varric shakes his head, realizing that Aveline did not see what he saw last night. If she had, maybe she would have separated them.

"So, back here in an hour? Yell if you encounter trouble. Stay within yelling distance if at all possible." Says Aveline.

Everyone nods and heads off in opposite directions. Varric loads an arrow into Bianca and heads off to the North, looking over his shoulder at Hawke and Fenris.

Aveline picks up her sword and shield and makes her way to the North East to scout for anything that may be of use to them.

Hawke and Fenris turn and head South.

Hawke and Fenris don't say anything to each other. They merely look at each other out of the corner of their eyes so as not to be caught looking. They continue that way for a few minutes. Occasionally, Hawke sees some bunches of berries and puts them into her satchel. There isn't much to be found in this particular area.

They move on, stepping over fallen trees and large stones. Once she feels they are far enough from the rest of the group, Hawke makes her move.

As they are making their way around a large old tree, Hawke grabs Fenris and backs him up against it. She drops her bag full of berries as she wraps her arms around him, his armor clanking against the bark as she pushes him. He drops his sword and puts his hands on her waist, the familiar feeling of his markings burning envelops him as they kiss. Hawke pauses as if to say something but Fenris pulls her back in.

Fenris shifts places and turns them around, pinning Hawke to the tree. She slips off one of his gauntlets and grabs onto his waist, pulling him right up against her. Fenris takes his now bare hand and slips it up the back of her tunic. He feels her whole body quiver as he touches her. He knows the warmth of the lyrium turns her on, so he continues clawing at her back slowly.

She pushes him down to the ground softly. He gives out a slight chuckle. They continue making out, and he flips her over, putting himself on top of her. Fenris goes to nibble at her ear. "I am glad," he whispered. "That you did not die." He whispers again before he moves to kiss her neck. She slightly sighs in content. "Me too." She whispers, almost inaudibly. Fenris goes to remove her shirt when –

"Hawke?" yells Varric in the distance. They both pause for a moment. "Hawke? Fenris? It's been an hour! Are you ok?" Varric yells again. They both sigh.

They look at each other and Fenris smiles. He stands up slowly and picks up his gauntlet. Hawke continues to lie on the ground, giggling. He reaches down to help her up. She takes his hand and gets back up on her feet quickly. As she stands he pulls her close. "The first chance I get," Fenris whispers. "You're mine." He smiles and kisses her. He then turns quickly and playfully runs back toward camp. "Hey!" Hawke calls as she grabs her belt and chases after him.


	4. All That Remains Pt1

Chapter 4: All That Remains Pt.1

_Hawke has decided to go check up on Fenris at his "new" home. When she arrives he opens the door before she can even knock, as if he knew she was coming. He heads up the stairs to the center room and she follows him._

Hawke takes a seat near the warmth of the fireplace. No matter how hard she tries, she can never get her fires to be this strong. She looks over to Fenris who has picked up a large bottle of wine. He looks down at it for a moment and then takes a drink.

"Agreggio Pavali," he says. "There are six bottles in the cellar. Denarius used to have me pour it for his guests. My appearance 'intimidated them,' he said, which he enjoyed." He looks back at Hawke.

"I can't imagine why they would be put off," she says with a smile. The corners of his mouth turn up slightly.

"You say what's on your mind, I'll give you that." Fenris looks at the bottle again. He suddenly throws the bottle across the room, it shatters and splashes its contents all over the walls and floor.

"You could've offered me a glass first, you know." Hawke said jokingly.

"There's more, if you're _really _interested," he says as he watches the wine trickle down the wall.

"Perish the thought," Hawke says, waving her hand. "How else would you redecorate the walls?"

Fenris laughs for a moment, then stops himself with a low grumble.

"I've wanted to leave my past behind me, but it won't stay there." He takes a seat at the bench adjacent from Hawke. "Tell me, have you never wanted to return to Ferelden?"

Hawke explains her story briefly, trying not to think of her brother that she lost on the way here. She would rather hear his story than listen to herself talk, anyways. There is something interesting about him. Perhaps it's the markings? Hawke finds herself tracing them over and over again with her eyes. She hopes he doesn't notice. He continues on about his former master, Denarius.

"You could track down your former master, I assume," she says.

"I imagine he has returned to Minrathous, though I dare not go near the city while he is alive. It is better to wait for him to leave his fortress, fight from a fortified position. I do not expect your help when that day comes, but I would not turn it aside."

Perhaps it is his voice. Hawke can almost hear his lifetime of pain in every word. It's a sultry sort of voice, but at the same time it's somewhat aggressive. She watches his lips as he talks. She finds herself…fascinated by him. His life is so full of pain, yet he speaks about it calmly. It almost seems as though he is putting on a front, but it's too soon to tell.

"Had I known Anso would find me a woman so capable, I might've asked him to look sooner," Fenris says with a smile.

Without even thinking Hawke says, "Maybe _I_ should be thanking Anso."

"Maybe you should," Fenris says. He stands nervously. "Perhaps I'll practice my flattery for your next visit? With any luck I'll become better at it."

Fenris watches Hawke go down the stairs and quietly go out the door. Now he's alone. Again. He finds himself replaying their conversation in his head. It was an unimportant casual conversation, but it told him a lot about her. The whole time he just kept talking, hoping she didn't notice that he was admiring her bright blue eyes as she spoke.

He eventually decides that thinking of Hawke in any other way than a companion is never going to get him anywhere good.

_Hawke returns to Gamlen's house, Bethany waiting impatiently at the door._

"Where were you?" she says, obviously agitated. Hawke brushes past her.

"Why are you so upset?" Hawke says.

"You went to see that elf, didn't you?"

"Perhaps. Why does it matter, Bethany?"

"Because. I feel like he wants to kill me!"

"Get over yourself. Not everyone is out to get you." Hawke goes toward her room, Bethany stomping behind her.

"If Carver knew – " Hawke turns on her heels and puts herself face to face with her sister.

"Don't bring Carver into this!" she yells.

"Hey! Quit your bickering!" Gamlen says as he steps into the hall. "Some of us are trying to relax!" Gamlen goes back into his room, talking incoherently to himself.

Hawke and Bethany stare each other down for a moment. Bethany turns quickly and walks out the door, glaring at Hawke over her shoulder.

**xxxxx**

_1 Day After Kirkwall_

_Fenris, Hawke, Aveline and Varric are camping out somewhere between Sundermount and Antiva. Hawke and Aveline have already gone to sleep. _

Varric sits near the fire, disassembling Bianca to clean and maintain her. He looks up at Fenris who is fiddling with something.

"What are you doing over there?" says Varric. Fenris is so focused on whatever he's doing that he doesn't even hear him initially. Varric tries again to get his attention.

"Fenris!"

Fenris has his back turned to Varric as he sits cross-legged on his bedroll.

"What?" he hisses, glancing over his shoulder at the dwarf.

"What in the Maker are you doing over there? If it's something dirty…eh, forget I asked."

"What are _you _doing?" he hissed again, his gaze returning to his task.

"Why, I'm cleaning Bianca of course. If I don't keep her lubed up – "

"Forget I asked."

After a few moments, Varric's curiosity overwhelmed him and he stood suddenly and walked over to Fenris. Fenris was again so distracted that he didn't even notice him. Varric cautiously peered over Fenris's shoulder. He had a hunk of sylvanwood in one hand, a small short blade in the other.

"You're whittling? Andraste's tits, I didn't know you knew how to do anything practical."

Fenris is noticeably startled. "Why are you watching me!" he growled.

"Calm down, elf. Maker, I can't even tie my own boots."

"I don't wear shoes."

"This is true. Anyways, whatever it is that you're making…it's lovely."

"I don't know what it is."

"Well, don't let me keep you." Varric mumbled as he walked back to continue working on Bianca.

Fenris paused for a moment and examined his work-in-progress. The wood had dark veins running through it. It reminded him of himself. _I can't explain how I do this. I saw this piece of tree and I had to retrieve it. I don't know why. I was compelled to cut at it. I realized as I continued that a form appeared. I think it is…a heart. Err…_

**Xxxxx**

_The next day_

_Hawke and her companions find themselves heading north now, toward Antiva. This was mostly Varric's idea seeing at though he has never conducted any business there._

Varric finds himself constantly looking over his shoulder at Fenris and Hawke as they continue on. He cannot un-see what he saw between them the other day. _No, no, no, no one would believe that. What about, 'The rogue found herself madly in love with the dark broody elf.' Nah, that's no good. Maker, even if I did write this stuff down, no one would believe me._

Aveline leads the group, as always. She has spoken to Hawke about Fenris before, but then she only alluded to a relationship and wouldn't confirm it. "Do you think he made it this far?" she says.

"Who?" Hawke says.

"Anders?" she says, looking back at Hawke and Fenris.

Fenris finds himself automatically clenching his fist every time someone mentions that name. Everything that ever happened these last seven years was all because of Anders. In a way he still resents that Hawke chose not to kill him, but he understands why.

"I don't know," Hawke says. She strokes Fenris's arm with the side of her finger and he relaxes his grip.

"Sundermount is endless, it seems." Aveline says, changing the subject. "I feel like we've been looking at the same cliff faces for days."

"Antiva is not too far from here," says Varric. No one says anything, all of them feeling the tension Aveline has caused.

They continue on and eventually see the outskirts of Antiva. Several small cottages are spread out in a large clearing. The group can smell the fresh baked goods from a nearby home. They have been on the move for days and have only eaten berries and small animals, where they could find them. As they approach this small village, an tan-skinned elf runs right up to them, smiling.

"Excuse me," says the elf, his strong Antivan accent coming through. "Are you the champion of Kirkwall?"

Everyone looks at Hawke who says nothing. Fenris steps in front of her. "And if she is?" he says to the elf.

"No troubles, friend," the elf says, bowing slightly. "My name is Tyron. You saved my friend Zevran. He made me promise to give you a place to stay if you ever came through. So I'm offering." At that Fenris drops his guard.

"Zevran told you about me?" Hawke says as she moves to stand beside Fenris.

"Eh, he sent a letter about you. You look like her," says the elf.

Hawke realizes this elf means no harm and decides to go with him. She nods her head and Tyron gestures for them to follow. He takes them to a small brown stone house, which is obviously not maintained.

"Here," says the elf. "It's not the best, but it is something. I live right over there," he points to a larger green house with a grey chimney. "You are welcome to come by for dinner, as I am sure you are hungry." The elf nods at them and trots back over to his home. Hawke and company look at each other. Hawke shrugs her shoulders and makes her way inside.

There are cobwebs in every corner and a thin film of dust all over the furniture. From the hallway they can all make out three bedrooms, a living area combined with a modest kitchen, and a study. Varric goes over to start a fire in a fireplace, placing Bianca on the chair nearby. Hawke goes up stairs inspect the bedrooms. Fenris goes and sits at the table in the kitchen. He's exhausted and his mind is all over the place, mostly flooded with thoughts about Hawke. He doesn't even hear Aveline walk up behind him.

"So…I've heard you have quite a talent there." Aveline said to Fenris. She stands in the doorway, arms crossed.

"Oh, let me guess," Fenris says, looking over his shoulder.

"You know Varric. Can't resist a good story."

"Yes…it's unfortunate."

"Not when it's true. Please?" Aveline walks over to the side of the table and looks down at him.

Fenris hesitates, but he knows that Aveline means well. Of all of Hawke's companions, Aveline was the one with the purest intentions. He pulls a small satchel from his belt and spills it's contents out on the table. There were 3 pieces: a tree, a heart, and a sword.

"They're beautiful." Aveline says as she picks up the heart. "So detailed. I didn't know you could do this."

"Neither did I." Fenris watches as Aveline turns the piece in her hand, admiring it's intricacies.

"_You_ didn't know?"

"As I said before, I don't remember anything before…hmm," he grumbles to himself as he turns in shame. Aveline senses his obvious discomfort and puts the piece down quietly on the table. Fenris stares at the sylvanwood heart before him. He hears Aveline's footsteps receding. Suddenly she stops. He peers over his shoulder at her standing in the doorway.

"It's a good thing, Fenris." Then she leaves.

_It's a good thing? I have a skill I cannot explain. I can't remember anything. All I remember is…_

In a flash Fenris smashes his hand hard on the table, shattering the sylvanwood heart underneath his palm.

_Denarius._

Varric jumps slightly, looking across the living area at Fenris. He just shakes his head and continues making a fire. Aveline goes upstairs to speak with Hawke.

She enters the first bedroom to find Hawke shaking the dust off of the bedsheets.

"Hawke…" Aveline says, picking up a pillow. "May I ask you something?" Hawke smiles and stops shaking out the sheet. She folds it up and places it at the foot of the double-bed.

"Of course," Hawke says, picking up the other pillow.

"I saw Fenris the other night. Are you two…together?" Hawke feels her cheeks flush. She begins shaking out the pillow.

"And if I said we were?"

"I knew it!" Aveline said, playfully hitting Hawke with the pillow, dust flies everywhere.

"He didn't want me to tell anyone." Hawke says.

"Why not?"

"He said that if anyone knew, Anders would know. He hates Anders."

"That explains a lot actually," Aveline says. "He came to me once about Anders."

"Really?"

"Yes…" Aveline recounts the incident to Hawke.

_The Viscount's Keep. Aveline waits patiently for Fenris, who would not agree to meet her anywhere else. She assumed he was trying to convince her to acquire more information about Varania._

Without knocking or announcing himself, Fenris storms through the door to the guard-captains office. A small group of guardsmen had been trailing him since he walked into the Keep. Aveline nearly falls out of her seat in surprise. She motions for the guardsmen to move on.

"I need to speak with you, now!" He growls.

"You could at least close the door." She says as she points.

Fenris resists the urge to slam it, afraid the guardsmen would leap onto him the first chance they got.

"I apologize. I did not mean to alarm you." He says as he takes a seat across from Aveline. He looks down at the floor.

"It's fine. Something is obviously troubling you."

"Yes. The apostate." He grits his teeth.

"Anders? What about him?" she says, leaning forward in her chair.

"I cannot tolerate him. He is an abomination."

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing!" Fenris yells, standing suddenly. He begins to pace. "He has done nothing to me!"

"Then what's the issue?" Aveline leans back again.

Fenris continues to pace. "It's Hawke. The way he looks at her. I can't take it."

"The way he…looks at her?"

"Yes. With such intent."

"To harm her?"

"No – I don't know. It takes everything in me not to tear him apart."

"Please sit down. You're making me nervous." Fenris pauses and takes his seat again. "I don't think he intends to harm her. Honestly, I think it's the opposite."

"What do you mean!" he snarls, glaring at Aveline.

"He cares about her. It's obvious, I thought."

With that, Fenris gets his feet quickly, nearly knocking over the chair. Before Aveline can get another word in, he storms out the same way he came in. Guardsman Donnic was waiting outside patiently. After Fenris passed him he leaned in to check on Aveline.

"Everything alright, Captain?" he says as he peers around the door.

"It's fine. Carry on."

Aveline looks back at Hawke now, who is obviously confused. "When did that happen?" Hawke says finally.

"Uh…five years ago, maybe?"

"Hmm…" Hawke and Aveline put down the pillows. "I wonder why he never told me that."

"He probably thought you would be upset with him."

"Well, I wouldn't have."

"Anyways," Aveline says, putting her hand on Hawke's shoulder. "Let's go see if that Tyron guy really is going to give us dinner."


	5. All That Remains Pt2

Chapter 4: All That Remains Pt.2

"Maker, why can't I make this fire?" Varric says to himself. Fenris gets up from the table and walks over to Varric who is struggling with some flint.

"You don't have it arranged right," Fenris says as he kneels in front of the fireplace. He rearranges some of the logs and takes the flint from Varric. The fire rolls up suddenly. Fenris stands back up and hands the flint to Varric.

"How do you always do that so well?" Varric says, looking down at the flint in his hand.

"When you spend three years traveling alone…you become good at making fires."

"Huh. Never thought of it that way." Varric picks up Bianca and sits down in the chair. He watches as Fenris just looks blankly into the fireplace. It's almost as those he's waiting for the fire to say something to him. "Say, I need to say something."

Fenris turns and looks at Varric. "What?"

"It's for Hawke, isn't it," Varric says, pointing at the ribbon on Fenris's wrist. Fenris looks back at the fire. "You can lie to me, but I know what I saw."

"And what did you see?"

"I'm pretty sure they call it kissing." Fenris says nothing. "Do you love her?"

Fenris thinks for a moment. He's not really sure if he should say anything to Varric or not. He's actually surprised that Varric hadn't said anything sooner about it. They are out of any danger, for the time being. He decides to go ahead and tell the truth.

"I do. I have for a long time." Fenris says finally.

"Andraste's ass, I had a feeling. Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Who would I tell?"

"Let me rephrase – why didn't you tell us? Why keep it a secret?" Varric leans forward in his chair.

"I…didn't trust Anders. I thought he would turn on us – or her – any minute. I didn't want to risk it." He kneels down in front of the fireplace again. "How long have you suspected this?"

Varric laughs and says, "I figured it out three years ago."

"Hmm."

"I'm glad though. I really am."

"Why is that?"

"I could tell she was happy."

"I hope so." Fenris says with an almost smile. Varric pats him on the back and walks over towards the front door. Aveline and Hawke come bounding down the stairs. Aveline makes a friendly nod at Fenris as she walks past him, Hawke follows closely behind her. Fenris walks over to Hawke as she reaches the stairs and she smiles at him. He unexpectedly grabs her arm and pulls her close. Hawke is shocked at his sudden display of public affection, but definitely isn't going to stop him. Aveline and Varric look on as they kiss, Fenris glowing slightly.

Varric nudges Aveline with his elbow and they both turn and exit the house. After a few moments Fenris pulls away from her slightly. "You have no idea," he whispers and places his forehead again hers, "How long I've wanted to do that."

Hawke smiles and reaches up to brush the hair away from his eyes. He brings his hand up to touch hers as she touches his face. "When we met over seven years ago, I knew even then that I would love you," he says.

"I've always loved you, Fenris." Hawke lets out a light chuckle and says, "Much more of this talk and we'll never make it out of here."

"I know. Honestly, I don't care," Fenris says as he grips at her hip with his other hand.

"Come on," Hawke says, breaking away from their embrace. As she goes out the door Fenris reaches out and takes her hand. She feels herself blush like a little schoolgirl with her first boyfriend. He has never held her hand in public before. They catch up to Aveline and Varric and go into Tyron's house.

The group spends over an hour with Tyron. Varric tells Tryon very exaggerated stories about his adventures with Hawke. Tyron just stares at Hawke with amazement and wonder. Aveline does her best not to laugh at the whole thing. Secretly she is still bitter that Varric has not made up a nickname for her. Hawke only partially listens in on their conversations, occasionally making a nod in agreement. She's too focused on the claws of Fenris's gauntlets running up and down her arm. She finds herself glancing at him from time to time, and he smiles the same half smile he has always smiled for her.

After a while, Tyron suggests that they all rest and sends them on their way. "I can't believe that he's heard that joke before," Varric says as he shakes his head.

"Everyone has heard that joke, Varric." Says Aveline, opening the door to the brown house.

"Maker, I'm beginning to run out of material." Varric follows Aveline in.

"Oh no. You might have to start making stuff up," Hawke says as she follows behind him.

"Make stuff up?" Varric says, looking over his shoulder. "I would never do that!" Aveline, Fenris and Hawke all shake their head. Fenris brings up the rear, closing the door behind him.

Varric looks down disappointedly at the fireplace, the fire now barely glowing. He shrugs and decides not to worry himself with it.

"So…" Aveline says with a yawn. "After all that pie that I ate…I need to rest. Any objections?" The group shakes their heads in unison. "Good. Don't wake me unless someone's being killed." She smiles and heads to her room.

"Eh, I think I'm gonna hit the sack too. Bianca needs her beauty sleep." Varric follows behind Aveline, mumbling something to her that made her laugh. Hawke and Fenris look at each other a moment and then head off into their room.

Fenris enters first and Hawke closes the door behind them. She just waits there, back against the door, knowing that Fenris is thinking exactly what she is thinking. He walks over to the bedside table and removes his gauntlets and sets them down there. He turns around and looks at Hawke. "Are you waiting for me?" he says in a low voice. She smiles and nods her head. He smiles a bit and walks over to her slowly. He removes his chestpiece and drops it down on the ground near the their feet. He then leans over her, planting his hands against the wall to balance himself. He moves then to kiss her, but tricks her and goes to kiss her neck. Hawke moves her hand to touch him, but he grabs it, pinning her by her wrist to the wall.

_I like this game, _Hawke thinks to herself. She goes to move her other hand and again, he grabs it and pins it to the wall. His breath is so warm against her neck. She struggles against his grasps, but to no avail. She tucks her ankle behind his leg and pulls him closer. This surprises him a bit and she manages to slip one of her hands out.

Hawke struggles with the toggles on his tunic, _why always this shirt, _she thinks to herself. He lets her other wrist go so she can slip his shirt down over his arms. He then quickly picks her up and she giggles. He lays them down on the bed carefully. He stops kissing on her for just a moment to remove her shirt and then moves to kiss her from her bellybutton all the way back up to her neck. He can feel her soft skin twitch at each touch, which he thoroughly enjoys. Hawke takes great pleasure in the feeling of the lyrium marks on his chest warming against her. Pants slip off the bed and onto the floor. Just the feeling of his bare body against hers is enough to drive Hawke mad with pleasure.

She lets out a soft sigh as he moves himself inside of her. At every move he makes she digs her nails at his back. Fenris moves his hand up to cover her mouth, worrying they'll wake their friends. "Be careful," he whispers as she claws harder into his back. He continues on, pushing himself harder and harder against her. She arches up her back and moans softly into his hand.

The moment comes and Fenris lets out a slight moan before collapsing on top of her. They lie there for a moment with their arms wrapped tightly around each other, catching their breath. Hawke kisses the top of his head lightly and she can feel him smile against her chest. They fall asleep in each other's arms.

After only an hour, Fenris wakes up and sits at the edge of the bed.

_If I had known now what I knew then, I would've never left her – not even for a second. I ran from my feelings the same way I had been running all my life. And now, as she lies beside me, I feel like I don't have to run anymore. I don't deserve her companionship or her love, but I am certain I would die without it._

"Fenris?" Hawke says quietly as she awakes. "Did you have another nightmare?"

"No. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

She turned to face him. Her bright blue eyes stared at his backside. She traced his lyrium markings with her eyes. Even though they are a symbol of pain, they are beautiful.

"About you. What I did to you." Fenris sits at the edge of the bed, looking down at his hands. He can feel her eyes on him.

"What you did to me?"

"Yes. When I left you. I was a fool. I still regret it, even now." 

"That was over seven years ago. You're here now."

"I think back on it often. If I hadn't returned, that abomination may have killed you. I-I don't know what I would've done. I would rip out his heart if he ever-"

"Fenris. It's ok."

Hawke sat up and moved toward the edge of the bed. She placed her hand on his and rested her head on his shoulder. She looked up at him and he smiled. After all these years he still only smiles for her. His markings slowly warmed at her touch.

_That's why I ran. I ran because your touch was like the key to my chest of lost memories. That night we…connected. At one moment I saw my life before my enslavement. There were people, places, scents. I had to go. I didn't want my memories to replace our night together. I would not allow it._

"It always feels the same, your touch." He says quietly as he watches her.

"Does it?" she said as she drew out his scars with the tip of her finger. She could feel him relax.

"Yes. It always feels like the first time."

"That's pleasant, I hope."

"Oh, it is." Fenris said as he turned and kissed her passionately.


	6. All That Remains Pt3

**[Author's note: I realize this has become a lengthy chapter. Originally it was 12 pages long as several combined chapters, so I broke it down so it would be easier to read.]**

Chapter 4: All That Remains Pt.3

As hard as she tries, Hawke can't help but constantly go speak with Fenris, despite her sister's best wishes. She wants to know as much as she can about him and she doesn't know why. Her visits are almost routine at this point. Fenris has started leaving the front door unlocked on days she usually comes by.

These last few days he's seemed more down than he usually does. Varric says he's "broodier" than normal. Hawke decides to talk to him about it on this visit.

She goes inside the giant mansion and initially doesn't see Fenris, as he usually greets her at the door. She sees a fire glimmering upstairs and heads up there. Fenris is sitting in a chair across from the fire, looking at the wall.

"Three years," he says still looking at the wall. "There's still no sign of Denarius. I'm beginning to wonder if he's finally given up."

Hawke takes a seat near the desk. "This is his mansion isn't it? He must know you're here," she says.

"Would you be surprised to know that it isn't in fact _his _mansion? It belongs to a Tevinter merchant, one who has evidently given up on the place. Perhaps he is dead, perhaps Denarius killed him." He leans back in the chair. "Either way, if Denarius is aware of my presence he has done nothing."

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes, but…tell me, what do you do when you stop running?"

"You start over. Isn't that what you want?"

"My first memory is receiving this markings," he says as he looks at his arms. "The lyrium being branded into my flesh, the agony wiped away everything." He drops his arms to his side and stares at the floor. "Whatever life I had before I became a slave, is lost." He stands suddenly. "I shouldn't trouble you with this," he says as he looks at Hawke. "My problems are not yours."

"You don't know who you were?"

"Fenris was the name Denarius bestowed upon me, his 'little wolf.' If I once had another name or a family, they were taken from me. But again," he shakes his head, "This is not your concern."

"I might be able to help you with your problems, or give you a few more." Hawke makes a wry smile.

"Hmph, only a few?" he almost smiles.

"The good kind."

"Tempting…you're a beautiful woman, Hawke. Is there no one else who has your attention?"

Hawke looks around the room. "Do you see anyone else here?"

"I'm an escaped slave and an elf, living in a borrowed mansion. None of those things bother you?"

"And I'm a refugee as well as a human. Does that bother you?"

"You raise an interesting point. I'll have to…consider it."

Hawke stands and reveals a book that she has brought with her.

"I have something for you," she says holding out the book to Fenris. He takes it with a sad look on his face.

"It's…it's a book," he says, eyeing its cover.

"It's a subject you're familiar with. The book is by Chartan, the elf who helped Andraste free the slaves. You know about him, right?"

Fenris looks up at Hawke. "A little. It's just…slaves are not permitted to read. I've never learned."

Hawke sees her opportunity and goes for it. "It's not to late to learn, Fenris."

"Isn't it? Sometimes I wonder. I don't mean to seem ungrateful, I do appreciate the thought. I've always wanted to learn more of Chartan. Perhaps this is my chance?" he shrugs.

Hawke decides that her future visits will now be reading lessons, a reasonable excuse to give to Bethany, or so she hopes. And so that's how it goes.

Every week Hawke shows up to Fenris's mansion with lessons scribbled on parchment paper. She is delighted in being able to spend so much time with him. For someone who has never been able to read, he is a surprisingly fast learner and masters the entire alphabet in two weeks.

After about a month, he begins to read some on his own. Hawke just sits back in her chair, listening to him reading. Anything he reads sounds like the most interesting subject, even if it is boring. She enjoys seeing the sense of accomplishment on his face every week as he progresses.

**Xxxxx**

_3 Days after Kirkwall_

_The group says their good-byes to Tyron and head on towards Antiva._

As they approach Antiva, Fenris stops walking to talk with the group.

"I need to ask a favor," he says, looking at Hawke.

"Anything," she says.

"Hmm. Well, I would like to go to Seheron." Aveline raises an eyebrow, but says nothing.

"Isn't that where you're from?" Hawke says.

"Yes. I'd like to see it. See if it's worth remembering."

"There's a boat the will take you right to Seheron from here." Varric says.

"Is that alright?" Fenris says. Hawke looks at her companions.

"I don't see why not," she says.

"I'm in." Aveline says.

"Well as exciting as this sounds, I need to stay in Antiva for a while. Business calls." Varric says with a shrug.

"Business, of course," Hawke says as she nudges Varric with her elbow.

"This means a lot to me," Fenris says to his friends.

The party decides to drop off Varric and head straight to the cost to catch the soonest ferry to Seheron. When they get to the ferry, Hawke and Aveline realize that their travels has dwindled down their on-hand supplies, but they won't be able to do anything about it until they get to Seheron.

It's a short ride, and Hawke decides to take a nap below deck. Fenris leans against the railing, looking out at Antiva as it drifts away.

_I know not what I will find here, if anything. Maybe Varania returned. Maybe I have friends. I do not know. I only hope that this is the place I'm from, and somehow I'll feel better about going here._

Aveline comes up and puts he elbows on the railing next to Fenris. "What are you hoping to find?" she says as she twiddles her thumbs.

"I do not know. I just feel like it has to be done."

They share an awkward silence for a few minutes.

"Can I ask you something?" Fenris says, looking over his shoulder for Hawke. Aveline looks in the same direction, though she's unsure what she's looking for.

"Sure," she says cautiously. Fenris reaches into one of the back pockets of his belt and takes something out. He brings his closed hand over to Aveline. She sticks out her hand nervously. He drops a carved ring out of bone into her hand.

"Oh Fenris," she says as she stares at the ring. "Did you make this?"

"Yes," he says as he watches her stare at it in awe. "I made it for Hawke. Do you think she would like it?"

"If she didn't, I would be worried." She continues to look at the ring, holding it close to her face to examine it closer. "Maker, how did you do this?" she whispers.

"You have no idea how hard it is to size a ring on someone when they are sleeping."

"I bet."

"She pulled her blade on me once."

Aveline chuckles. "She's always on guard, that's for sure," she hands the ring back to Fenris. "I've taught her well."

He makes a slight smile and puts the ring back into it's pocket.

"I like that it had a wolf on it." Aveline says.

"She was always delighted with my name. I'm glad you could tell what it was." He turns and faces the ocean again. They share a silence again, but it's a happy silence.


	7. Wolf's Rain Pt1

Chapter 5: Wolf's Rain Pt.1

Fenris is only a days walk from the city of Seheron. He has heard of this place, and has been told that he was from here. Of course, he can't remember any of it. Hawke and Aveline are about two days away seeing as how they had to stop for supplies when they got off the ship from Antiva. They plan on meeting up with him soon.

He walks down many winding dirt trodden paths alone without his friends. Being alone was something he was once used to. He spent over three years alone and on the run from Denarius. But that was over a seven years ago, and he had become accustomed to traveling with Hawke by his side. This is the longest he has been without her for quite a while. He keeps looking over his shoulder, expecting her to be there. He knows that she will be safe with Aveline, but he cannot wait until he can see her again.

_Seheron. This place should feel familiar. I have only heard about it from Denarius._

Finally, he reaches his destination. He begins to walk through the city before him. He prepares himself for the harsh looks he always got from humans, but was met with friendly smiles from elves. He didn't know that the majority of the population of Seheron was elves, not humans.

He continues down the road, looking for a place for them to stay once they all get there. A golden-haired elf with big brown eyes drops the pots she is holding as Fenris walks by her. He stops, feeling as though he somehow bumped into her.

"I apologize," he says to her, reaching down to pick up the pieces. She does not lean down to help. Instead she just stands there, jaw dropped. "Leto…?" she whispers. "It can't be."

He pauses at the mention of this name. He had been told by his sister that his name was originally Leto. The elf drops down to her knees and grabs him by the hand. "Is it really you?" she says as eyes well up with tears. For once, Fenris is speechless. He does not recognize this elf, but somehow she recognizes him.

"I…"

"It's me, Lileh. Do you not remember?" she says, tears running down her cheek. "What…what has happened to you? You look…different." He watches as she studies his face carefully and examines all of his lyrium markings. She reaches up to touch his cheek. As soon as she puts her fingers on him, he gets hit in the face with a memory.

_"I can't do this, Lil. I need to be there for my mother and sister."_

_"Please, Leto. Stay with me. I fear if you leave, I will never see you again."_

_"If things were different…maybe we could be together. I care a lot about you, you know that."_

_"Please don't leave me…"_

_"I must protect my family. If that means losing you…I'm sorry."_

Lileh retracts her hand quickly when Fenris begins to glow and nearly falls over. He puts his head in his hands as he tries to figure out what just happened.

_Who…what…I…Lileh…I…remember you now. What happened?_

"Lileh?" he whispers.

"Leto?" she says cautiously. "Are you alright? Can I help you?" she stands to her feet and extends her hand. He looks through his fingers at her. For a blink she looks about fifteen years younger, her hair brighter and longer. He blinks again and she looks the way she does now. He moves his hands down to his lap and looks away. "Please?" she says to him. He looks back at her and reaches up to take her hand.

He gets to his feet slowly, somewhat disoriented. He looks again at Lileh, but says nothing. She takes his hand and guides him to a small cottage right around the corner. She lets him in and gestures for him to take a seat at the table. Her home is a modest one. She has little artwork and decoration, and only necessary furniture. He sits down in a daze. Lileh sits across from him and puts her elbows on the table.

"Do you remember me now, Leto?"

"I…Lileh. I do. I don't know how."

"I heard about what happened to you. I assumed…you were dead…" her cheeks flush as she holds back tears. "That magister. Everyone said he killed you. Everyone said you were dead. I knew that wasn't true." She wipes her nose.

"Lileh…I took these markings to free my mother and my sister. When that happened…everything, and everyone, was erased from my memory. I barely remember you…"

"But you _do_ remember me?"

"I remember…leaving."

"Oh. That was the night you left for the magister. You said you needed to save your family. That was the worst night of my life." Lileh drops her head and Fenris can see her tears dripping a small puddle onto the table.

"Were you? Was I? Who…were we?"

"We were promised to each other. We said we would be together forever. But now…" she looks down at the ribbon on his right wrist. "Now you clearly belong to another."

"I am sorry. I barely remember anything. Whatever I did – "

"You promised me, Leto!" she jumps up from the table. "You promised me!" she points at him.

"I am sorry. I cannot recall…" he closes his eyes, unsure what to say to this woman.

"I'm sorry too…" Lileh says as she sits down again. "I never forgot about you. Never. I tried to find you."

"Find me?"

"Yes, I tried for five years. I eventually just decided to believe what everyone was telling me…that you were dead." She reaches across the table and touches his hand. "But you're here now, and that's all that matters. Please stay here tonight. I have an extra room."

Fenris quickly weighs all of his options and decides there is no harm in staying with this elf, since she obviously is on his side. He nods at her and she smiles. She again jumps up from the table. "I'll get it ready for you now. Are you hungry? I'm a great cook."

"I…appreciate your hospitality but…no."

"Perhaps another time then?" Fenris says nothing. "Um…ok. Hold tight!" With that, Lileh runs down the hall to the second bedroom and begins to straighten it up.

**Xxxxx**

Aveline and Hawke are now just over a days walk away from Seheron. They have gathered over a weeks worth of supplies and are making their way down the same trails Fenris was on earlier.

"May I say something, Hawke?"

"Of course."

"I just wanted you to know that I approve of your relationship with Fenris."

"Oh?"

"I know that he would never let anything happen to you, and that's all I ask."

"Thank you, Aveline. It means a lot to me that you care." She turns and smiles at her.

"I've seen the way he is with you. He is…someone else."

"Yes," Hawke whispers. "He is everything I could've asked for." She looks at Aveline again who now looks like she's on the verge of tears. She stops and places her hand on her shoulder. "Aveline?"

"You have always been like a sister to me, Hawke." She sniffles. "It makes me sad, but happy at the same time, that you no longer require a protector." She sniffles again.

"Oh, Aveline." Hawke says as she hugs her. "You're the only sister I have left. I would never ask you to leave."

"I know. But if you ever did, I could leave with the fact that I know you would be safe." She hugs Hawke tightly for a moment. She then steps back and regains her composure. She clears he throat and gestures for Hawke to move ahead. They exchange smiles and continue their trek.


	8. Wolf's Rain Pt2

Chapter 5: Wolf's Rain Pt.2

"Lets hope this isn't a waste of time," Fenris says as they enter the holding caves.

Hawke glances at Fenris out of the corner of her eye. He's obviously upset at this Hadriana person they are looking for. After all, they were just minding their own business when her thugs attacked them. He continues on, blade at the ready, waiting for her to appear.

There are some shades and other veil creatures in these caves, but nothing they can't handle. They tear through their foes with easy and continue on there way. Hawke thinks about saying something to Fenris, but she is certain he doesn't feel like chatting.

They eventually come across a young elf girl who is very upset. She tells them that Hadriana killed her father to give herself more power. This only enrages Fenris more. Hawke gives her a few sovereigns and sends her on her way.

Before Hawke can even see her, Fenris charges at Hadriana. She blocks herself off with shades immediately. Hawke, Varric, and Aveline struggle against the overwhelming amount of shades this woman has conjured up. Hadriana is eventually defenseless and gets knocked down by Aveline.

Hadriana lies on the ground staring at her staff which is just barely out of reach. Fenris sees his chance and stomps over to her. He stands directly over her, prepared to strike.

"Stop!" Hadriana says, putting out her hand. "You do not want me dead!"

"There's only one person I want dead more…" Fenris says as he glares at her.

"I have information, elf. And I will trade it in return for my life."

"Hmph. The location of Denarius? What good will that do me? I'd rather he lose his pet pupil." He tightens his grip on his sword.

"You have a sister," Hadriana says, dropping Fenris's guard. "She is alive." Hadriana slowly sits up and kneels near Fenris. "You wish to reclaim your life, let me go. And I will tell you where she is."

Hawke eyes Hadriana suspiciously. "How do we know you're even telling the truth?" she says.

Hadriana looks over at Hawke. "You don't. But I know Fenris, and I know what he's searching for. If he wants me to betray Denarius," she looks back at Fenris, "he'll have to pay for it."

"This is your call." Hawke says to Fenris. He steps toward Hadriana and she leans back in fear. He leans down and puts his eyes level with hers.

"So I have your word? I'll tell you and you'll let me go?" Hadriana says nervously.

"Yes," Fenris glares at her. "You have my word."

"Her name is Varania. She is in Kerannas, serving a master by the name of Araman."

"A servant, not a slave?"

"She's not a slave."

Fenris looks away for a moment and then looks back at Hadriana. "I believe you," he says. In a flash he glows and phases his hand right through her chest, wrenching down on her heart. She gasps her final breaths and collapses on the ground. Fenris stands back up and heads toward the exit.

"We are done here," he says as he walks past Hawke.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Hawke says. He turns back and glares at her.

"No! I do not want to talk about it!" Fenris says, waving his hands angrily at Hawke. "This could be a trap! Denarius could have sent Hadriana here to tell me about this _sister_. Even if he didn't, trying to find her could be suicide. Denarius has to know about her and has to know that Hadriana knows." He steps back a bit and stares hard at Hadriana's dead body. "But all that matters is that I finally got to crush this bitch's heart."

Hawke stands there silently, not knowing what she should say. Fenris turns from her again. "May she rot, and all the other mages with her."

Hawke reaches out to place a hand on his shoulder. "Don't comfort me!" he growls as he shrugs her off of him. He takes a few steps and then turns to face Hawke again. "You saw what was done here!" he says angrily as he points at Hawke. "There's always going to be some reason, some excuse why mages need to do this. Even if I found my sister," he looks away again, "who knows what the magisters have done to her." He looks back at Hawke again. "What has magic touched that it doesn't spoil."

Hawke can see the pain in his eyes, but realizes that talking to him isn't going to get them anywhere right now.

"I…need to go." Fenris says as he makes his way toward the exit, leaving his friends behind.

**Xxxxx**

_"If there is a future to be had, I will walk into it gladly at your side."_

_5 days after Kirkwall_

It is the next afternoon at Lileh's home in Seheron.

All night and on through the early morning Fenris had tried his best to relax. His thoughts were racing. He felt guilty for whatever had occurred between him and this elf. At the same time, all he can think of is Hawke. He hears Lileh making a whole lot of noise in the kitchen and gets up to see what she was doing.

He walks in to see her scurrying about, pots and pans everywhere. She hears him come in and stops for a moment. "Oh, you're awake" she says, catching her breath.

"I don't really sleep. I have a lot of…nightmares." He takes a seat at the table.

"I used to have nightmares about you, all the time." She puts a lid on a pot of boiling water and goes to sit next to him. He automatically flinches as she takes her seat only inches away. She doesn't notice. "There were so many stories about what really happened. All of them were so terrible." She looks away, but then looks back at him. He says nothing. She looks down at the ribbon on his wrist. "You say you don't remember anything…obviously you remember _that,_" she says, pointing to it. He covers it with his other hand.

"What about it?"

"It was Tevinter tradition, you know. Young couples would wear symbols that showed others that they were no longer available. Men would usually wear a scarf or string like that, and women usually wore handmade jewelry. When you saw it, you knew they were in love. You used to wear one for me…I still have it in my wardrobe. You…gave it back to me when you left." She struggles to fight back tears.

Fenris looks down at his wrist again, rubbing the red silk between his fingers. How did he remember something like that from so long ago? "Lileh…I'm sorry. I'm not Leto anymore. I'm someone else. Please, forgive me for whatever I have done." Lileh gets up from the table and crosses back into the kitchen. She turns her back on Fenris.

"If it were only that simple, Leto. I have already died once for you, and now I know I'm just going to have to do it all over again. Can you at least…tell me her name?"

Fenris gets up and walks over to her. "Why?"

"I just want to know."

Fenris sighs and then obliges. "Jillian Hawke." He sees Lileh stiffen up.

"_The _Jillian Hawke! Of Kirkwall?" she turns to face him and crosses her arms.

"Yes."

Lileh looks away and drops her arms down to her side. "Champion or not," she says under her breath. "You were meant for me."

Before Fenris can react, Lileh practically jumps on him and plants her lips firmly against his. His markings glow but they glow in pain now. He grabs onto her shoulders to peel her off of him when a dagger nearly misses his head by an inch. Lileh screams in surprise. Fenris wipes off his mouth and glares at her as he goes to look at the dagger stuck in the wall. He instantly recognizes it's carved bronto bone handle as Hawke's favorite dagger that Varric got for her from a surface-dwarf from Orzammar. "What have you done!" he yells at Lileh as he plucks the dagger from the wall.

He storms out the front door, ignoring Lileh's cries. Aveline is standing just outside the doorway. "Fenris – " she says as he passes her. He ignores her too.

"Hawke!" he calls out, seeing her ahead in the distance. "Hawke, stop!" he calls again, watching her turn down a street up ahead. He picks up his pace a little to get to her. He tucks her dagger in his belt and turns down the street he saw her turn on. Dead end.

He looks around a moment for her then turns around. Then next thing he knows, Hawke has taken her other dagger up to his throat and backed him against the wall of a building. Tears are running down her cheeks.

"Hawke?" Fenris says, bracing himself against the wall.

"Who was that! Why were you kissing her!" she yells, mere inches from his face.

He feels the dagger sting his throat as he swallows. He goes to speak but she cuts him off.

"Is that why you wanted to go ahead? To meet up with this woman?"

"No. I knew her in the past. I swear I did not remember her until now."

Hawke pulls the other dagger from Fenris's belt and points it at his face.

"What happened?" she growled slightly.

"Only what you saw. She thought I was Leto, and attacked me." He watches in pain as Hawke continues to cry. He wants so badly to wipe her tears off her cheek, especially knowing that he has caused them, but he fears the blade against his neck. "I swear it."

Hawke shakes her head in disbelief and lowers her blades. Fenris remains still. Hawke turns and slowly makes her way out of the alley. Aveline is standing nearby. Fenris follows after Hawke, but keeps his distance. As he exits the alley, Aveline steps right in front of him. He stops quickly so as not to run into her. "I believe you." She says and puts her hand on his shoulder. He looks away and then steps around Aveline.

"She doesn't." he whispers quietly to himself. Aveline follows behind him as they all make their way toward the local inn.


	9. Wolf's Rain Pt3

Chapter 5: Wolf's Rain Pt.3

Hawke and her companions return to their homes after the incident with Hadriana. There is no sign of Fenris anywhere, not even when they return to Kirkwall. The party splits and goes their separate ways, Hawke heading to see if Fenris is at his mansion.

She comes up to the front door and it is locked tight. She knocks a few times, but to no avail. She returns home, defeated, feeling like she did or said something wrong. As soon as she steps inside, Fenris is there sitting near the fireplace. He's leaned over and is propping himself up with his elbow against his knees. As Hawke approaches him, he begins to stand.

"I've been thinking about what happened with Hadriana," he says, as he gets to his feet. "I took out my anger on you, undeservedly so." He scratches anxiously at his chin, and then looks back at Hawke. "I was…not myself. I'm sorry."

"I had no idea where you went. I was concerned." Hawke says.

"I needed to be alone," Fenris says as he turns and walks a little away from Hawke. "When I was a slave, Hadriana was a torment. She would ridicule me, deny my meals, hound my sleep. Because of her status, I was powerless to respond, and she knew it." He turns and looks directly at Hawke again. "The thought of her slipping out of my grasp now…I couldn't let her go. I wanted to, but I couldn't."

Hawke wrinkles her nose in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"This hate, I thought I'd gotten away from it, but it dogs me no matter where I go. To feel it again, to know it was they who planted it inside me…it was too much to bear. But I didn't come here to burden you further." He feels himself thinking about Hawke, and turns away again.

"We're friends, Fenris."

Fenris hesitates for a moment, but then slowly walks towards the door. "I'm not certain I know what that is…" he says sadly.

Hawke watches him leave again, still feeling like nothing was solved. She goes into the library and looks at all of the reading lessons that she had been working on for Fenris. She stares at them for a moment, wondering if they will be spending time like that together again.

Hawke just stands there in the library, all alone. Bodahn and Sandal are out and about doing whatever it is that they do during the day and Hawke's mother is spending time with Gamlen. It's times like these that she misses Bethany. _If only she could've seen this house_, she thinks to herself. Her eyes well up with tears, but she quickly wipes them away. _Maybe Bethany was right about Fenris_.

As Fenris makes the short walk home, he runs into Varric who is on his way to Hawke's. "Fenris?" Varric says with a surprised look on his face.

"I don't want to talk about it." Fenris says, walking past Varric like he's not even there.

"Where did you go? Everyone was worried about you. Hawke was worried about you."

Fenris stops dead in his tracks. _Hawke said that? _Fenris thinks to himself.

"Next time you go on a brooding spree, tell someone where you're going." Varric says finally. He shakes his head and continues walking to Hawke's place.

**Xxxxx**

Fenris steps into the inn moments after Hawke. He watches as she hands over some coin to purchase a third room. She doesn't even look at him when she hears him come in. She speaks with the man at the desk and points over her shoulder at Fenris. Then she starts to go up the stairs to her room, but she pauses for a moment. Fenris waits, hoping she will say something to him. Instead she just sighs and continues on.

Fenris watches her walk away and then makes his way to the man at the desk.

"Here's your key, Messere. Last room on your left." He snatches the key, startling the man. He thinks about going up to his room but decides instead to go out and look for a tavern nearby. He passes Aveline on the way out. "Where are you going now?" she says as she grabs his arm. He twists out of her grip.

"Why do you care!" he yells. Aveline doesn't do anything. She realizes it's probably best to just let him blow off steam and decides to leave him alone.

It doesn't take long for the strong stench of sweaty drunk men and ale to direct Fenris to the nearest tavern, Fool's Gold. The whole building looks almost as if it is leaning to one side, almost intentionally. Fenris steps inside and takes a seat. Shortly thereafter, a barmaid approaches him and he asks for the strongest stuff they have. She hurries off and returns moments later with a large tankard of a dark colored ale.

He downs almost the whole thing in one gulp, the taste of the cheap ale nearly making him gag. All of the voices of the other patrons sound more and more unintelligible as he drinks. He continues to do this for some time and eventually begins to talk to himself in Arcanum. At this point he's drank nearly half a dozen big mugs of ale... He tries hard to not think about Hawke, but in doing so causes just that. He looks down at the ribbon on his wrist, a constant reminder. He inadvertently begins to recall found moments between them.

_"Seems like a waste of a perfectly handsome elf,"_

"No…" he whispers to himself.

_"I'm always safe when I'm with you. I told you."_

_"Told me what?"_

_"That I wouldn't die."_

"No!" he says again, slightly louder.

_"When we met over seven years ago, I knew even then that I would love you."_

_"I've always loved you, Fenris."_

"NO!" Fenris yells as he slams his fist hard into the table. For a moment he had forgotten where he was. He buries his face into the table, still clenching his fist. He doesn't even try to hold back the tears. All the bar patrons stop and stare at him, a few of them running out the door. He can feel his brands burning hard. Suddenly, the group parts as Aveline walks right up to him.

"We need to leave, Fenris." She says, leaning down to his ear. "You've made enough of a scene."

He sits up slowly and relaxes his hand to wipe his face and looks down to see that he has put a very large crack into the old wood of the table. He stands and the remaining bar patrons gasp. He then makes his way to the door, men stepping out of his way as he comes through. Aveline gives some coin to the bartender and leaves. When she gets outside she sees Fenris sitting on a bench, head in his hands. She goes to sit beside him.

"Did she say anything to you?" his voice is muffled by his hands.

"No…She locked herself in her room."

"It was not what it looked like." He drops his hands down onto his knees.

"I believe you. Who was that?"

"It was Lileh. Apparently I was once in love with her. I cannot recall. When I told her that I was in love with Hawke, she went mad. That's when you appeared." Aveline gives him a confused look. "I barely recognized her."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry for me. I shouldn't have made the mistake of trusting Lileh. Not that it matters now." Neither of them say anything for several minutes.

"Did you ever give it to her?" Aveline says.

"Give what to who?"

"You said you had made something, for Hawke."

"I did."

"And?"

"I still have it."

"Maybe you should give it to her now."

"I doubt she'll even speak to me."

**Xxxxx**

Over time, Hawke and Fenris get over their issues that they were having with themselves and each other, and everything goes back to normal. They resume reading lessons as if nothing ever happened.

The weekly lessons have turned into more like every-other-day lessons, and Fenris has become somewhat chummy with Bodahn and Sandal. Bodahn enjoys the days that Fenris comes to Hawke's mansion, mostly because Sandal enjoys it so much.

Bodahn tells Hawke that he has caught Fenris teaching Sandal how to say things in Arcanum, which Sandal very much enjoys. But every time Hawke mentions it, he smiles and denies it.

One day when she arrives at Fenris's mansion for a reading lesson, he's sitting upstairs drinking. "Last bottle of the Agreggio. I've been saving it for a special occasion." He holds the bottle out to Hawke.

"And what's that?" she says, taking the bottle from him. She takes a quick drink, then hands it back.

"The anniversary of my escape! Astio valla fermundis!" he leans forward in his chair. "Care to hear the story?"

Hawke sits at the chair across from him. "I thought you avoided talking about this?"

"Not on special occasions," he says with a smile. It is evident that he is tipsy. Hawke wonders is he has drank the majority of this bottle of Agreggio today.

"I enjoy listening to you talk."

"There are few pleasures greater than speaking with a beautiful woman." Hawke blushes but maintains her composure.

"Let's see…you've heard of Seheron? The Imperium and the Qunari have fought over the island for centuries now. I was there with Denarius during the Qunari attack."

Hawke leans in to listen. He tells her how he initially got away from Denarius by complete accident, and then fled from Seheron on his one. He begins to speak of a group of rebels called Fog warriors, and she notices his demeanor change.

He looks sad, guilty almost. He tells her how the liberal group of misfits took him in, and even defended him when Denarius returned to claim him. He takes another swig of the Agreggio, and hesitates for a moment. He then tells her how Denarius told him to kill these men, and he did so blindly. He obviously felt for these men, and he states it directly. He tells her that he ran then, and never looked back.

"I have to wonder why you stayed with Denarius as long as you did," Hawke says finally.

"You have not been a slave. A slave does not dream of freedom or wonder at possibilities. You only think of your master's desires, and what the next hour will bring."

Hawke slightly nods her head in understanding.

"It did not occur to me that I could be anything else, until I had a taste of it."

"But there were stories of slaves rebelling all the time. They did in Kirkwall."

"The ritual that gave me my markings also stripped me of my memory. Whatever I was before, may as well have never been. Perhaps if I knew, I might've felt differently."

"This can't be easy to talk about."

Fenris takes another drink. He then stares down sadly at the bottle. "I've never spoken about what happened to anyone. I've never wanted to." Hawke smiles at him slightly. She would gladly hear all of his secrets. "Perhaps this is what it means to have a friend."

"It could mean more than that," Hawke feels the words slip off of her tongue, embarrassed at herself for making the suggestion. He doesn't seem to care though.

He takes another drink from the bottle, which is now only a quarter full. "I have never allowed anyone too close. When my markings were created, the pain was…extraordinary. The memory lingers. But you are unlike any woman I have ever met. With you it might be different."

Hawke blushes at the notion. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"If there was anyone before, I have no memory of it."

"There was no one after you escaped, even?"

"I stayed nowhere for long. Who would I trust?" he tilts his head down slightly, looking at Hawke in his peripherals. "I didn't think I needed anyone, or wanted anyone…until now."

It was then that Hawke was certain that their feelings for each other was mutual. She goes for it. "We could find out."

"On another evening perhaps," he says with a smile. "A last toast then! To the fallen!" He raises the bottle of Agreggio.


	10. Wolf's Rain Pt4

**[Author's note: This was my all-time favorite chapter to write, and I hope you enjoy it!]**

Chapter 5: Wolf's Rain Pt.4

Hawke comes home late one evening. Her mabari, Maxwell, awaits for her arrival. He barks happily as she comes in the door. It's well past midnight and she can hear Sandal snoring from his nearby bedroom. She walks through the foyer, setting her equipment on the bench and petting her hound on the head.

Hawke yawns as she enters the living area. When she opens her eyes, she's surprised to see Fenris standing by the fireplace. He looks nervous, she's not used to seeing him this way.

"Fenris?"

"I've been thinking about you. In fact, I've been able to think of little else," he says as he crosses the room to her. "Command me to go, and I shall."

Fenris was now only inches from Hawke's face, noticeably trembling. There was so much tension, she was sure all of Kirkwall could feel it. She looked right into Fenris's dark green eyes. She hoped her next move wouldn't be one she would regret. Secretly, so did he. "No need…" she whispered.

As if they could read each other's minds, they both grabbed on to the other. Hawke could feel his markings burning under her hands as they kissed, she wonders if it is hurting him. He backs away for a moment and Hawke grabs him, pushing him hard against the wall. They're all over each other. Every inch of their skin is like new land, and they are both exploring. Hawke slips off her boots and drops her belt to the ground. She pulls off Fenris's gauntlets, seeing his hands for the first time. They are so gentle, not at all what she was expecting.

Pieces of armor clank on the hard floor. Before they know it, they are both almost completely stripped. Out of fear of waking her guests, Hawke leads Fenris upstairs to her room and quietly closes the door.

Bodahn had not started a fire for her in her room that night. The only light in the room was pure moonlight. Fenris's skin glistened brightly in it. All color in the room was unable to be seen in the dim lighting. But somehow, Fenris could still see the blue in Hawke's eyes as he kissed her on the bed. His skin burns everywhere, but he doesn't want to stop. He doesn't want this to end. Not now.

Her smell. Her taste. It only feeds his appetite for her. He hopes she doesn't notice his inexperience in these sort of affairs. He looks at her quickly, looking for approval. His glance is met by a smile. He smiles back and continues.

After it was all over, Hawke fell asleep in Fenris's arms. He was someone she had never seen before, but at the same time, he was who she knew he was all along. She knew he could be kind, caring, sensitive, and even shy. He tried his best to hide it from her. Her eyes broke down every wall he put between them. He caught himself glancing at her from time to time when they would walk together. He could feel her look right through him.

He watched her as she slept, stroking her hair across her ear. He slowly crept out of the bed and to the fireplace. He quickly started a fire and began to return to Hawke when it hit him –

The next thing he knew, he was on the ground, writhed in pain. His mind ached. His skin burned. Images flashed before his eyes. Faces, places, sounds, conversations. He struggled through them. After a moment he realized he was seeing himself – his life – before enslavement. He had friends, no, lots of friends. Is that – his mother? He grasped desperately at the thoughts as they flooded him.

As quickly as they came…they were gone. Fenris continued to lie on the floor. His skin was hot against the cold stone. He sobbed quietly to himself, confused about the life he just saw…his life.

_Why? What – what was that? Who was that? What's happening to me! Who were those people? My parents? My friends? No! Why can't I see them? I can't be here. I have to go. I can't do this._

He got a hold of himself and pulled himself up on the bed. He looked down at Hawke, she hadn't woken up, and he wanted to keep it that way.

He started down the stairs, gathering pieces of armor and clothing on the way. He began to dress quickly, checking up the stairs often for Hawke. As he reaches out for one of his gauntlets, he sees a red ribbon that Hawke had been wearing around her neck. He rubs it between his fingers, the silk as soft as her skin. He brings it to his face and it smells just like her. He's overcome by the urge to wrap it around his right wrist.

He trots up the stairs to get one more look at Hawke before he leaves. As he approaches the fireplace she begins to stir. He starts to turn away but realizes he would be caught. Instead he leans against the mantle, facing the door.

"Was it that bad?" she says, looking up at him.

"I'm sorry. It's not…it was fine." He turns around to see her looking at the floor sadly. "No, that is insufficient. It was better than anything I could have dreamed." At that, the corners of her mouth move to make a slight smile. It quickly changes before she speaks.

"Your markings. They hurt, don't they?" Up until this point, he had assumed that she didn't notice. The burning must have been a lot stronger than he originally thought.

"It's not that. I began to remember, my life before. Just…flashes. It's too much. This is too fast. I cannot do this."

"Your life before? What do you mean?"

"I've never remembered anything from before the ritual. But there were faces, words…for just a moment I could recall all of it. And then it slipped away."

"Don't you want to get your memories back?"

He sees her eyeing the ribbon on his wrist. He turns before she can get a good look at it. "Perhaps you don't realize how upsetting this is. I've never remembered anything. And to have it all come back in a rush only to lose it. I can't. I can't."

_I can't let her see me like this. Broken. Weak. I must be strong. I must be. Even if that means…_

"We can work through this." Hawke says. Fenris can hear the genuine sincerity in her voice. He knows what he needs to do, but he wants to do anything but that.

"I'm sorry. I feel like such a fool. All I wanted was to be happy, just for a little while." He turns away so as not to see the expression on her face. If he must break her heart, he can't bear to see her face when he does it. "Forgive me."

Fenris bounds down the stairs as quickly as he can, rushing past the Mabari on his way out the door. It's a short walk to his home, but it feels like years. All the while, he fought off the urge to stop and return to her.

_This is what must be done. The only way she can be happy is without me. I'm not sure that the same can be said for me, but it doesn't matter._

He enters his home and almost forgets to close the door behind him. He throws his chest piece across the room, breaking several empty wine bottles. He tosses his left gauntlet into the window, cracking it slightly. He goes to throw the other when he sees the ribbon. Her ribbon. The only physical reminder of their night together. He removes the ribbon and drops the gauntlet next to him. He ties the ribbon over his right wrist again. His skin tingles slightly underneath it. He slumps down into a heap on the floor.

_Such a fool. She'll never forgive me. Would you forgive you? You had your chance and you blew it. _He eyes the broken glass all over the floor. _This…cannot be undone._

Hawke is frozen in place. She jumps slightly when she hears the front door slam behind Fenris. She begins to cry, wondering what she did to upset him.

_I don't understand. I thought – I thought we felt the same. His face…his soft touch. He said sweet nothings in Arcanum. I just…I thought it was right. I've never seen him smile like that. I've never seen him so sincere. But now…he's gone. _She curls up in a ball, pulling her knees tightly to her chest. Every time she closes her eyes, all she can see is his face. His dark green eyes felt as though they were looking into her soul. That rare expression – a smile. It was so innocuous, but so meaningful. 

**Xxxxx**

_Aveline and Fenris have returned to the inn._

Aveline makes a friendly nod at Fenris and goes down the hall to her room. He goes up the stairs soon after and heads to the last room on the left. When he goes to unlock the door it opens at the slightest touch. He steps back and unsheathes his sword. He holds steady and nudges the door open with his elbow, expecting a hunter. Instead of an intruder, it's Hawke. She's sitting on the bed looking out the window, lockpick in hand. Fenris sheathes his sword, but remains in the doorway.

"I knocked first." Hawke said finally as she twirls the loop of her lockpicking tools around her finger. "I had to talk to you." Fenris steps inside and closes the door behind him. "I don't know what came over me." She says as she looks down at the floor.

"It wasn't what it looked like…she was...from before."

She now looks up at him. "Did you remember her?"

"Hardly. I only remembered leaving her. I left her for my family." Hawke looks back down at the floor. "I would…never leave you. Not again," he says as he takes a step forward.

"I thought you had."

He walks over to the side of the bed and sits next to her. She still can't look at him. She can't shake the image of that woman kissing him. She doesn't even notice when he removes his left gauntlet and gauntlet and sets it down next to his feet. "When anyone else touches me," he whispers as he takes her hand, "My skin burns in pain. It never hurts with you. It burns, but it doesn't hurt." They sit in silence for a few moments. Hawke wants to be mad at him but she just can't. He turns her hand over and runs his fingers slowly across her palm all the way up her fingertips, then back again.

"I need to say something." Says Fenris, pulling Hawke out of the trance like state she always finds herself in every time he touches her. "I don't know how to say it." He looks away and mumbles something to himself in Arcanum. Hawke watches as he fiddles with a pocket on his belt. He looks back at Hawke and takes a deep breath.

"I need you to know that I will never leave your side again. My place is here, it always has been. Nothing can keep me from you." He stands from the bed, still holding Hawke's hand and sits down on his knees, his green eyes almost glowing in the moonlight. He looks away again.

"What is it?" Hawke says.

"I want to be with you until the end," he says, looking back at her. "I want to know that you feel that way too." He takes his hand out of hers and reaches down into his belt pocket again. He brings his hand back up to hers to reveal a beautifully hand-carved ring made out of bone. Hawke stares at is in amazement. She takes it from his hand and turns it all around, examining its fine detail. There is a very distinct profile of a wolf carved into the bone. The design swirls around the wide band, reminding Hawke of Fenris's markings.

"It's Tevinter tradition," he says as he watches her face. "to wear a symbol that shows other people that you're in love."

"Where did you get this?" Hawke whispers.

"I…made it," he says with a smile.

She stops looking at the ring for a moment and directs her gaze to his face. "You…made this? It's so beautiful." She pauses for a moment and looks down at the ring again. "Are you…asking me to marry you?"

"I suppose that is the best way to say it," he says, gently taking the ring from her. "I want to be with you forever, Hawke. I ask you to do the same."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," she says as she holds back tears. He smiles and slips the bright white ring over her finger. She slides down off of the bed and into his lap. She reaches up then to touch his face, and he gently kisses her hand.

_There is nothing I enjoy more in this life than to see your face when you're happy, _Hawke thinks to herself. Fenris wraps his arms around her, putting his bare hand on the back of her neck. Hawke lets out a small sigh and hugs him close to her.


	11. What's Left Of Me Pt1

**[Author's note: I sincerely apologize for not posting another chapter for so long! I have been busy planning out a f!Hawke/Rogue cosplay and I have a busy school schedule.]**

Chapter 6: What's Left Of Me Pt.1

In the days following her last visit with Fenris, Hawke had found herself spending more and more time alone. He had gone off to Maker-knows-where and she was worried that he'd never come back. She had thought about going to Aveline and asking her to search for him, but she wasn't going to be able to explain why he left in the first place. _Aveline, I slept with Fenris and now he's gone. Can you help me track him? Brilliant idea_.

There were no pressing quests to attend to so she stayed at home alone for a few days, mostly reading. Reading books that she had bought for him. He was actually way more scholarly than anyone had realized. He already knew a plethora of facts about everything, but he wanted to know more. Hawke bought him several books about the formation of the first Chantry as well as a few books about the Hero of Ferelden. But now all that was left of him was the books. Hawke read all of them several times. She eventually decided that moping around her mansion wasn't going to make her feel any better, or make Fenris return. So she went to the Hanged Man.

When she got there, Varric and Anders were in a corner talking. Both of them immediately noticed Hawke, surprised to see her after her recent absence. Varric and Anders exchanged a few words and then Varric headed upstairs to his suite. Anders made his way over to Hawke as she took a seat.

"Hawke. Are you alright?" Anders says as he sits down across from her.

"I really don't feel like talking, Anders," Hawke says as she gestures for a drink. Anders fidgets with his collar a bit, somewhat nervously.

"So you hide out in your mansion for three days and expect none of us to worry about you?" Anders says as he props his elbows up on the table. Hawke takes the mead from the server and takes a big gulp. Anders raises his brow in awe, he has never seen Hawke drink before. She shakes her head a bit in reaction to the punch of the alcohol.

"I wasn't playing hide-and-seek. I was basking in the sunlight from my window," she says.

"Whatever it is you can tell me," Anders says, completely ignoring her attempt at humor.

"Oh, because we talk about personal things _so_ often. Right."

"Seriously, Hawke. What's going on?"

Hawke drinks the remainder of the strong liquor and puts the tankard down hard on the table. "Did I say something was wrong?" she says with a slight hiccup.

"You don't have to say anything. I can tell."

"Am I that transparent?"

"Well, no I—"

"Don't trouble yourself. I'm shit at hiding my feelings." Hawke goes to motion for another drink but Anders blocks her hand with his, putting it on the table.

"Drinking until you're stupid won't solve anything. C'mon."

Hawke twists her face up in confusion as Anders stands from the table, still holding on to her hand. She isn't sure if he is trying to be friendly, or attempting to flirt. She goes along with it anyways and follows him out.

Since she hardly drinks, the little amount of alcohol she consumed has made her somewhat tipsy and Lowtown seems to be slightly tilting. As they walk together from the Hanged Man, Hawke loses her balance and falls back on to Anders. He catches her and lowers them both onto the ground.

"That stuff was strong!" she says as she sits up. She scoots back and rests against the outside of the bar. Anders scoots over next to her, trying not to laugh.

"It wasn't that strong, you just drank it too fast."

"Hmph. Not fast enough." She lets out a long sigh and closes her eyes, the sound of people bustling about Lowtown ringing through her ears.

"What's bothering you, Hawke? You can tell me," Anders says as he puts a hand on her shoulder. She opens her eyes slightly and looks down at his fingers.

"You'll laugh at me." She closes her eyes again.

"You put things in such a context where we always laugh at you," he says.

"I did someone—something, something, the other night. And I think I ruined everything."

Anders thinks for a moment, trying to decide if he heard what he thought he heard. "What did you do?"

"I…This is very personal, you know. Maybe I shouldn't tell you this."

"What if I told you something first? A trade, perhaps?"

Hawke opens her eyes again and looks right at Anders, his bright golden eyes practically telling her to agree. "Fine."

Anders scoots a little closer to Hawke, turning to face her more. His knee pressed up against hers. He lets out a sigh and looks away. "I'm just going to speak freely here, Hawke. I hope you won't be angry with me."

Hawke has a feeling she knows were this is going, but keeps it to herself. "Ever since we met, I've found myself thinking of you in a different way."

_Maker, here we go._

"I care a lot about you Hawke, and I worry about you. I was tempted to force through your door, just to see if you were alive. I've wanted to tell you for a while now, but I didn't have the chance." Anders pauses and slides his hand off his leg and onto her hand. They stare at each other for a moment before Anders tries to kiss her. Hawke lets him, despite the argument going on it her head. She tries to ignore any doubts, but they force themselves upon her.

_"__Ego__curare__de__te__."_

_"What does that mean?"_

_"I care about you..."_

Fenris's voice echoes in her ear and she pulls away from Anders. She looks away from him, the Arcanum* phrase playing again in her head.

"I'm sorry," she says as she bites down on her lip. Anders crosses his arms and looks down at the ground.

"It's Fenris, isn't it?"

"I...yes."

"_That's _what you did, isn't it?"

"Maker, you're starting to talk like Isabela."

Anders doesn't even crack the slightest smile at her joke, which is unusual. He stands suddenly and dusts the dirt off his coat. Hawke tilts her head up to look at him and he looks away. Finally, he extends his hand and helps her to her feet.

Varric comes out of the Hanged Man and sees them when he turns the corner. "Hawke!" he says, "I knew you weren't dead!" He smiles for a moment and then looks at Anders, who is obviously in a foul mood.

"Can you take her home?" Anders says, still not making eye contact with either of them.

Varric expresses a confused look and shrugs his shoulders. "Hawke, if I were taller, I'd carry you," he says with a light chuckle.

"I'm not _that _drunk!" she laughs. Hawke looks back in Anders direction, but he has already walked quite a distance away. She feels guilty, but at the same time she blames him for trying anything.

"What's up his ass now?" Varric says as he gestures for Hawke to get moving.

"Nothing important, I'm sure."

The couple makes their way slowly, very slowly, back towards Hightown as Hawke does her best to walk off the booze.

**Xxxxx**

_One Week after Kirkwall_

_After their lovely visit to Seheron, a very happy Hawke and her companions gather their things and begin planning their next move. They all head together to the docks._

Aveline stares out at the sea with hardly any expression. Hawke comes up beside her and crosses her arms. "What's on your mind, Aveline?" she says.

"Hawke, you know I will eventually have to return to Kirkwall. Donnic is there, and there is a chance that I still have my guard-captain status," Aveline says as she continues not to make eye contact.

"I never said you had to come with me, Aveline."

"I know. But I couldn't just stay behind and let you get into trouble."

"I'm a trouble-maker either way," Hawke chuckles. Aveline makes a slight smile and lets out a sigh.

"Besides, I figured you two might settle down somewhere."

Hawke looks over her shoulder at Fenris. He was in guard mode, scanning the faces of all the people around them. "We haven't really discussed it," Hawke says as she looks back at Aveline. "I was thinking about going back to Ferelden."

This gets Aveline's attention and she finally turns to face Hawke. "Really?" Aveline says with a smile. "Sometimes, I think about going back. Donnic wants to." Aveline shrugs her shoulders. "At any rate, we need to get off this island first."

"I might be able to help with that!" says a familiar voice. Aveline and Hawke turn to see noneother than...

Isabela.

"Isabela?" Hawke says as she hugs her. "How did you find us?"

"Sexy elves with white markings are hard to miss, kitten. As are you." Hawke looks over again at Fenris, who has certainly taken notice of Isabela but decides not to speak to her. Isabela turns around quickly in his direction. "C'mon, stick-in-the-mud. Izzy isn't going to bite...hard." Hawke smacks Isabela's arm playfully at her remark.

Fenris hesitates, but slowly and cautiously makes his way over to the rest of the group. "Try to hug me, Rivaini. I dare you," he says when he approaches them.

"Hah, don't worry. I'd rather hold on to Hawke. She's—"

"Ahem!" interrupts Aveline. "You were saying you could help us?"

"Oh," Isabela says, taking a step away from Fenris. "I did say that, didn't I? I acquired a small ship and—"

"_Stole. _You _stole _a ship." Aveline says with some aggitation.

"I _came across _a modest vessel and would be more than happy to take you wherever your heart desires." Isabela looks sad now, and says quietly, "It's the least I can do."

"After you condemned Hawke to battle the Arishok because of your greed?" Fenris sneers.

"_You _were the one that spurted out that Qunari shit, remember?"

"I did what was in the best interest for Hawke and all of us!" he says loudly as he points a claw-like finger at Isabela.

"And we're all alive!" Hawke says as she steps between them. "Let's kill each other later, yes?" Fenris and Isabela both back down and look away from each other.

"I was on my way to Minrathous. I could drop you off there." Isabela says. Hawke sees Fenris's eyes widen at the mention of that place. He shakes it off and throws a quick smile at Hawke.

"Well, I'm up for it." Aveline says. "Lead the way."

The group follows single-file behind Isabela as she directs them to her ship. "There was this fellow, Yeven, who..." Hawke stops listening and drops back to walk beside Fenris.

"Are you alright?" she says quietly.

"We must not linger in Minrathous. It's far too dangerous for both of us."

"We don't have to go with Isabela."

"That's not the problem. As I've said before, that place is run by powerful magisters. Some of them could still recognize me."

"After all this time?"

"Hawke, I'm rather conspicuous."

Hawke takes his hand and he makes a slight smile. "Everything will be ok. I promise."

"I hope you are right."

"That's a colorful story you have there, Isabela. Did you make it up?" Aveline says as they board the ship.

"Maker, no! Well, I may have exaggerated it. A little." Isabela winks at Hawke and then trots over to her firstmate. Her crew hoists up the masts and pulls in the anchor. Hawke and her companions are once again heading out on what will hopefully be a pleasant adventure. Hopefully.


	12. What's Left Of Me Pt2

Chapter 6: What's Left Of Me Pt.2

After about a week, Hawke had more or less given up on ever seeing Fenris again. The others hadn't said anything one way or another, so she didn't discuss it. The only person who had tried to console her was the one person she didn't want to talk to.

Anders.

To Hawke, Anders was like a stray mabari, begging for attention. Everywhere she went, she could see him tagging along in the distance. She made quite a game out of it at times. She would leap and bound all over Kirkwall, seeing just how far Anders would go to follow her. Aveline heavily discouraged such 'teasing' but Hawke didn't care.

Hawke went about doing quests for whoever needed anything. She still felt odd having Anders around instead of Fenris, but what else could she do? It was hard, for the first few days. The balance of her party was off now. They were heading out of the Wounded Coast one day when they were attacked by a group of Coterie thugs.

Hawke immediately went into action, throwing a Miasmic Flask at a small cluster of thugs. Varric used this to his advantage and shot an exploding round at their feet, killing three of them. Aveline was taking her usual stance, knocking down men with her shield before ripping at them with her blade. And then there was Anders. Hawke didn't usually keep him around and wasn't sure what to expect. The party was starting to be overwhelmed when all of the sudden a large lightning bolt broke through the clouds and struck all of the thugs simultaneously. Hawke and her companions watched as the men all collapsed into smoldering heaps, and then turned to Anders.

Anders was glowing brightly from the spirit of Justice that was inside him. For a moment he reminded Hawke of Fenris. But he wasn't him. He was just an ordinary mage who had taken in a spirit to help him.

"Andraste's ass, Blondie! You could've done that ten minutes ago!" Varric said as he put Bianca on his back.

"No kidding," said Aveline.

Anders said nothing for a moment as Justice left him. His eyes went back to their golden brown color and his posture changed to a more relaxed look.

"I was focusing on the lightning not hitting any of you."

A silence fell among the party again.

"So...back to Kirkwall?" Hawke says.

Hawke and her friends make the trek back to Kirkwall and still say nothing to each other. Hawke catches Aveline giving Varric a look. They share looks like that with each other all of the time. It bothers Hawke, in a way. It's like Varric and Aveline are constantly talking about her without talking at all. They all make their way back to their respective homes and hang-outs…except for Hawke. She takes a slight detour from her mansion to a place just around the corner.

She comes to the door of Fenris's mansion and gets through the lock with ease. Several times he had accidentally locked her out and she had no choice but to 'let' herself in.

She shuts the door quietly behind her and immediately smells a fire burning nearby. She removes her blades from their sheaths and creeps slowly out of the foyer and into the main hall, poised for fight. She can see the fire flickering orange light out of the second story bedroom. She does a somersault over to the stairs, being careful not to make a sound. She then turns and crouches down below the railing. She begins up the stairs, her rogue like footwork making her so quiet that she might as well not be there.

"_The canons of their dr-dreed-dread, dread-nows, dreadnaughts laid waste to the mine-mainland, striking first into Rivain and then Seheron…_"

Hawke felt her heart sink as a familiar voice once again rang through her ears.

"Hawke?"

Hawke nearly drops her blades when she looks up to see Fenris looking over the railing at her.

"Uh, Fenris—" she stammers as she gets to her feet.

"What are you doing here?" he says with a furrowed brow.

"Well, I—" _Spit it out, you idiot. _Hawke hesitates and then straightens up, inhaling sharply. "You've missed several lessons," she says with a cool façade.

Fenris narrows his eyes at her as he can tell that she's holding back, but makes no fuss of it.

"_History of The Qunari_," he says, holding up the roughhewn book. "It's been a hard read, to say the least."

Hawke is irritated at him for purposely ignoring her awkwardness, but she should really be mad at herself for acting so foolishly in the first place.

"You did quite well, from what I heard."

"Are you here for lessons?" he says, with the smallest smile Hawke has ever seen. It's as though he's trying to hide it altogether.

"Of course."

**Xxxxx**

It had now been over a week since Hawke and her companions fled Kirkwall. It's been over a week since Hawke slain Knight-Commander Meredith in front of all of Kirkwall. She finds herself thinking back on it often, no matter how hard she tries not to. The power that the lyrium idol held over Meredith…would not be easy to forget. She thinks of how she could've prevented the whole thing if she had taken the idol away from Bartrand.

But what if she had taken the idol instead? Would she have succumbed to it's powers? What if she could've brought back Bethany? What if she could've saved her mother? What could she have done with that kind of power…?

"Oh, kitten. Why are you crying?" says Isabela as she approaches Hawke. Hawke had been sitting on her bed, staring out at the water around her through the small porthole. She quickly wipes the tears from her face.

"Is something the matter? I'm here, if you want me to be." Isabela says as she places a hand on Hawke's shoulder.

"It's nothing. Just my past trying to dig it's way back to the surface of my memories." She fiddles nervously with her ring.

Isabela feels her discomfort and decides to redirect.

"So…You and Fenris, eh….that taut controlled body, the brooding demeanor and intense gaze…I hear he still wears the shackles from his life in bondage…under his clothes."

Hawke raises her brow.

"You know what they say about men like that, don't you?"

Hawke lets out a heavy sigh. "I'm going to regret asking you to continue, aren't I?"

"You can't find a saw!" Isabela says with a laugh. Hawke rolls her eyes, not willing to admit that she actually thought it was funny. "I had you there!" Isabela continues. "You thought I was going to say something dirty!"

_As much as I try to tell myself not to forgive you for the mess you caused me…you're still the only one who can make me laugh._


End file.
